I pulled these cards last night and realized it was time to finally let go of the person I’ve known my entire life. That person is still a child and grew up sheltered and fiercely protected, yet starved of attention and affection she didn’t think she needed early on. She was a bit dramatic and quite the storyteller - because playing the role of someone else always seemed more glamorous. She used humor to hide her hurt and silence to mute the anger. She never felt beautiful enough and didn’t stand out from the crowd. She wasn’t a leader nor was she a follower, that made her a mystery to some. (Side note: When you’re labeled an enigma or mysterious, people gravitate to you more out of curiosity than true love. True sensitives see through that you know 😏)
That girl grew up scared of everything. Risks weren’t a thing in her life, she took none because no one took them with her out of caution and care. She was anxious around people she didn’t know because she could feel their intent when others couldn’t. That’s probably why she had more imaginary friends than real ones. She lost herself in books and to be honest, I don’t think she ever wanted to be found again. She wrote, read and daydreamed. She thought she’d be content living out her days doing exactly what she loved, in silence, alone, away. But then she got older and everything changed on the outside but on the inside the little girl was still in control. The inner child never grows up, they are the forever child. They need love and healing but we have to acknowledge when it’s time to grow up and let that child transition peacefully. The woman refuses to let the child go because protecting that child is all she’s ever done but the woman is moving into a phase of life where she needs to be able to navigate like the adult she is.
Last night while I was in the shower I prayed for the death of pieces of the old me and big shifts even though I know with that comes much uncertainty. I’ve never prayed for death in that way. The thought of what energy comes with that very specific ask is scary. I’m scared that my change won’t be accepted by those closest to me and with that comes more loss. I suppose that’s a pessimistic attitude to take and signals the shift needs to happen in my mind first. (I won’t get all woo and tell you about the block in my crown chakra because sometimes I don’t even believe the bullshit coming out of my mouth). In any case, it’s pretty clear the time has come to make a clean break. I don’t know exactly what that means for the girl or the woman moving forward but I surrender, I can’t fight it anymore. I can only wish them both well and focus on the becoming and evolution of the woman.
Fingers crossed that the right one gets out of this thing alive...
INTUITIVE PRACTITIONER NOTE: This is where tools like cards can assist you in your personal development and mastery process. Most people use oracle and tarot cards strictly for divination and guidance to see what’s coming next but these cards when used correctly, can help you identify issues and blocks. Once identified you can work to heal these wounds and break unhealthy cycles which helps keep you in divine alignment. I’ve been getting similar cards for a while which meant there was an ongoing pattern I needed to address. Along with pulling my daily cards I journal about how the card messages showed up for me toward the end of the day. It’s a process that takes commitment but it’s worth it. I’ll do a full blog post on it soon!
Oracle Card decks pictured: Goddess Power Oracle, Wisdom of Avalon, and The Good Tarot